Can't Let Go

I catch a glimpse of him in the crowd.
Quickly I turn to make sure it wasn’t my imagination.
It wasn’t.
He’s surrounded by a group of girls,
Most of them younger than he is, I’m sure.
Jealousy courses its way through me.
All he has to do is turn his head slightly,
And his eyes will meet mine.
I turn around again,
Hiding my face.
There’s no point in giving him the satisfaction,
Of seeing me watching him.
I can’t stop the memories that threaten to submerge me.

We passed each other on the stairs.
He stopped and held out his hand towards me.
Without a second thought or even thinking at all,
I put my hand in his.
His fingers tightened around mine.
My eyes were on the picture our hands made.
He spoke to me,
But my mind had suddenly decided to stop functioning.
He just smiled at me knowingly,
And bent down to press his lips against my hand.
I stared at him in shock.
The kiss was too gentlemanly to come from him.
He dropped my hand and walked off,
With all the arrogance in the world.
That was our far as our ‘relationship’ got.

It’s been nearly two years.
I was stupid.
Maybe I still am for caring.
He surprises me by coming up behind me.
A tap on the shoulder gets my attention.
All I’m worthy of is a wave,
Not even a “hi how have you been?”
I automatically wave back before realizing it.
Ignoring him has never come easy to me.
We both go separate ways.
He doesn’t understand the knife he stuck in my heart.
I think it’s finally time to rip it out,
Because only then will it really heal.
©Rachel Ruppel 2006

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